Preface to Leaves of Grass

This is what you shall do:
Love the earth and sun and the animals,
despise riches,
give alms to every one that asks,
stand up for the stupid and crazy,
devote your income and labor to others,
hate tyrants,
argue not concerning God,
have patience and indulgence toward the people,
take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men,
go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families,
read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life,
re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book.

Dismiss whatever insults your own soul; and your very flesh shall be a great poem and have the richest fluency not only in its words but in the silent lines of its lips and face and between the lashes of your eyes and in every motion and joint of your body…

-Walt Whitman

Do Not Be Afraid To Make Them Real.

Beautiful thing, this life, I have.
I have today.
I have this moment at hand.
I stand with my arms stretched wide feeling the sun play on my face through the branches of the trees.
And I take a walk as I flip through my thoughts and my toes dig deep into the wet soil. With every step I take, I start accepting the true colors of my life; for everything they are and everything they aren't.
Deep inside my soul, dreams blend together..
Dreams of tall mountains covered in snow.
The deepest oceans with huge waves.
Free tigers laying in the sun.
Cold rain cooling my body on a summer day.
Dreams of lying in lush grass feeling tiny bugs crawl over my arms.
I want my realities to merge with my dreamscapes and create a never ending utopia; My Eden.
The rush of dreams and what they are to us as individuals amazes me.
We never take time to dwell upon our thoughts; to take note.. to make them real.
If only we will take the first steps.. our dreams will take the next to meet us; The only thing that seperates us is the thought that we can not have it; do not be afraid.

Happiness In Memories.

What is it that makes us happy?

What is it that sends us back to our childhood memories when the world was innocent?
When we would blow bubbles or sit in the grass and pick flowers? Watch cartoons?

What is it about a movie that soothes our soul with laughter? Is it that sense of hope that overwhelms our souls that makes us just feel good?

What is it about dipping a cookie in an ice cold glass of milk that makes us smile? Getting the tips of our fingers just underneath the surface or when part of the cookie breaks off and sinks to the bottom?

What is it about heating something up in the microwave just because were to lazy to cook it in the oven like the directions read? It never tastes as good, but for some reason...we keep doing it.

What is so special about some of our memories, that no matter what, they are burned to the back of our minds like they were branded with a hot iron? Is it our lack of actually wanting to let go?

With some memories all you can do is think back and realize and wonder. "How did that last?", "How did that happen? Our minds were different. Worlds not the same." Why is it that we keep those intimate things that were once so close to our hearts that do nothing but give us that constant reminder? Why is it that we play a song over and over again until it's the only thing we can dream, think, and hum for the next two days; only because it reminds us how happy or how miserable we were the first time we heard it and actually payed attention to it. Again is it a lack of wanting to let go. To seperate ourselves from our past?

Some memories we find ourselves longing for. Wishing for that moment again. Those are the ones where we daydream for hours reminicing on the sights around us, smells, and tastes.

Our fondest memories settle deep in our chest and hang heavy on our hearts. Do we hold on to them for the fear of forgetting? Or is it because they are what really make us happy?

Such Power In Words.

"I’m sorry but I don’t want to be an Emperor – that’s not my business – I don’t want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible, Jew, gentile, black man, white. We all want to help one another, human beings are like that.


We all want to live by each other’s happiness, not by each other’s misery. We don’t want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone and the earth is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful. But we have lost the way.


Greed has poisoned men’s souls – has barricaded the world with hate; has goose-stepped us 
into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed but we have shut ourselves in: machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical, our cleverness hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little: More than machinery we need humanity; More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.


The airplane and the radio have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men, cries out for universal brotherhood for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the world, millions of despairing men, women and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people. To those who can hear me I say “Do not despair”.
The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress: the hate of men will pass and dictators die and the power they took from the people, will return to the people and so long as men die [now] liberty will never perish…


Soldiers – don’t give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you and enslave you – who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel, who drill you, diet you, treat you as cattle, as cannon fodder.


Don’t give yourselves to these unnatural men, machine men, with machine minds and machine hearts. You are not machines. You are not cattle. You are men. You have the love of humanity in your hearts. You don’t hate – only the unloved hate. Only the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers – don’t fight for slavery, fight for liberty.


In the seventeenth chapter of Saint Luke it is written ” the kingdom of God is within man ” – not one man, nor a group of men – but in all men – in you, the people. You the people have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness. You the people have the power to make life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. 


Then in the name of democracy let’s use that power – let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give you the future and old age and security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power, but they lie. They do not fulfil their promise, they never will. Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfil that promise. Let us fight to free the world, to do away with national barriers, do away with greed, with hate and intolerance. Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men’s happiness.


Soldiers – in the name of democracy, let us all unite!”


Charlie Chaplin in 'The Great Dictator' (1940)

Paths To Be Taken.

Our paths they crossed for some reason and they will cross with others; for what reason we may not know. Life takes us on a journey not yet told to us; we have friends we have not yet come to know, lovers to share our intamacy with, people that will share their lives with ours, and simple passings and repassings of acquaintances.

To Be Alone With You.

Back roads lead me down paths forgotten;
toward the setting suns of tomorrow.


I gave my body to the sky and to the rest of the world to have a chance to be close to you.
You gave yourself to the rising seas and never ending horizons.


Only if we met somewhere in between the heavens and Earth; Just to touch your face and to be alone with you.




Why did you go away, baby?

Reality.

Lets take two steps back; look in our hearts and see what's really there.

My Outcome.

I drove for miles the other day. Nothing but the blue sky dotted with clouds that looked like pillows in front of me, nothing but the thoughts of my yesterdays behind.  As I drove I thought about things. Where do we go? Where are we going?  Why are we here?  With every breath I took I concentrated on these questions; pondering the outcome of my life.  In the quiet and alone I realized it is up to me---I am the one that holds the answers.

Free.

I look out across the water in front of me and see the reflections of light

They glitter across the the lake gracefully---shapeless orbs.

They illuminate the the surface like there is a city underwater---

I look up at the clear heavens above

They sky is dark and heavy, the stars---countless---

And the moon---so bright and bold---she is smiling at me

Tonight as I breathe in this cold frigid air

My lungs fill--a breath of vigor

I am thankful I am free.

And Tragedy Struck.

April 27, 2011-

Phone calls coming in to say, call your family check on them.  Calling and calling. Dead tone after dead tone. I flipped on the television, I watched it happen and there was nothing I could do. 

  

Homes destroyed, dreams shattered, lives lost.  Such a tragedy has been brought upon us.  I watch as friends, families, and beautiful people never met pick up the pieces of what was once their lives to start over again from heaps of scraps of what used to be home. I want to cradle the people effected by this and make them forget and think it was all a dream.  This horrible thing shows us that each day given to us is a beautiful gift and that we should embrace it much more often than we seem to. It shows us the true compassion of the human soul.  Coming together as one in such times of need.  People coming from miles away to head back to their hometowns to help- to bring water, food, two hands to clean with, and a heart full of compassion for those who need it more than anything. There is much more to be done and people will never be the same. People who have your life--be thankful and remember we are not promised our tomorrows.



Some photos from back home. 
I am just blessed my family and friends are okay.

That Night.

With my eyes closed I listen to crickets play music with their legs as if they were tiny violins; the melodies drift into my ears as the night breeze comes over me like newly fallen snow.  I feel Mother Earth sink into me as I smell the grass and feel the dew dripping down from the many blades surrounding me and collect onto my body.  Tiny insects around my head whisper me secrets from their wings in their low murmur of circles.  I open my eyes; the moon hangs low to the Earth tonight and she is full and brilliant. She is misted with the fog above the lake, but the sky is dark and endless and the stars are bright and forever.  My soul is at rest and my body is at peace.  Life could not be sweeter.

Accept The Colors Of Your Life.

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."

-Rabindranath Tagore

October [Part II]

 The wind was warm that day.  The sky was as beautiful and clear as ocean water--perfectly blue.  We rode with the windows down to a place he wanted to show me. Turn after turn we ventured further and further away from main roads.  The wind blew through my hair tousling it back and forth. We laughed and talked about the art festival we had just left, the necklace he bought me, and the dinner with strangers who were more like friends.  
 We pulled up in a grassy field with only one other vehicle there. We started down a trail surrounded with trees that brought on cool and darkened shade. Twisting and winding the path drew further into the woods.  "Do you see it?", he asked and he pointed straight ahead.  "See what?", I asked full of curiosity.  "The frog.", he said with a smile on his face. Then I saw it.  It was huge.  A giant frog leaping from the ground, cold and metal, weaved and welded together as art.  It towered above me. 
We walked side by side not saying a word, but continually smiling. I managed to get in front of him and before I knew it I had grew over six foot.  As he walked, he was carrying me on his shoulders down the wooden path that led over the swamps.  Silhouettes of trees jutted up from the still waters, as soft sounds of leaves rustling drifted past our ears.  We laughed and shared stories and journeyed down this winding path.  When we reached the end of our path it turned back, but we decided to take in the moment.  
He put me down on a bench and he sat down behind and above me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and his fingers traced back and forth on my chest, "What would you do if a tiger came up and you were the only one that could see it?" he said.  I laughed. The random and silly thoughts that poured from his mouth made him beautiful to me because I knew that he was much deeper than random.  
He pushed the hair from my neck and lightly touched it with his fingertips; a soft kiss followed and then another.  His passion was unlike anything. So soft and powerful---captivating.  His hands traced my arms and breasts. They traveled down my stomach and up my sides and around again like they were on a set path---I lost myself to him.  
We sat there that afternoon and took one another in.  That October day time stopped for us to take in the world with each other---to remember colors and feelings, laughter and joy, and to make beautiful memories we'll never forget...

Conversations That Cause Thoughts.

Someone told me,  "The mind works on its its own - its just a ride.  There is no "true self". Just a flow of being. Being silent, being in meditation, being with others, talking." He said, "Everything is free flowing." I can see where he was coming from saying life is just on ride. Free flowing--I disagree. I feel as though life is ours to make what we want of it. We think out most things before we say or do them--Think about it.  The reason I am typing this; Something triggered it--Made me want to say it. I didn't mindlessly type it.  I put at least a little bit of thought...so free flowing-ness...didn't actually occur---You know? We are able to choose things.  I think our final destination is not ours to choose but the paths we take to get there are.

He said we [the world/people] experience you and us them.  It takes someone special or something meaningful for us to become one with it or them---for lack of better words. I feel like we can know our true-selves; it's just breaking down ourselves enough to see us for who we really are and to stop pretending and being who the world wants us to be or what we think the world wants us to be. I am not afraid of where my thoughts, actions, and decisions come from---because I know they are coming from a true place. 

A place of pure thoughts and ideas....Myself.

October [Part I]

Hot water splashed my face and fell over my body as suds rolled off every curve, and the night of our intimacy went with it.  The steam rolled up from my feet and filled the bathroom and seeped out from under the door.  He came in without knocking and pulled back the curtain---it took me by surprise. I still remember that smile, the look upon his face. He looked me in the eyes, kept smiling, closed the curtain back and shut the door behind him. 

After I laughed to myself, I closed my eyes and put my face under the shower one last time. I turned the knob, and as I dried off my skin, watched the water fall from the faucet until it became no more.  When I walked up to the mirror it was fogged over with words--I read it, and I remember him writing of men and who we are as people.  I opened the door and the steam spilled out into his bedroom. As I walked across the room, I left footprints in my wake on the cold hardwood floor. 

My clothes lay on top of the tangles of sheets we had created in passion.  I slipped on lace to cover my nakedness. He walked in the room and smiled that same smile and said, "I like those." And he pointed at the black lace panties hugging to my body.  I laughed and said, "Thanks."  Our eyes met in that moment, and time stopped, as we both continued to smile. 

I walked back in the bathroom and continued to get ready for the day ahead.  I was almost finished when I heard his footsteps thud across the bedroom floor.  I looked to my left waiting for him, and he came.  

He took slow steps toward me.  As he got closer he stepped behind me, his hands traced down my arms and back up. He pushed my hair away from my neck and softly kissed it; and one after another worked his way across my shoulders and down my back.  With calmed passion, he caressed my side with his lips and inched toward my stomach.  With his hands at my sides, he held me with a delicate, yet strong hold.  I felt the warmth and wetness of his lips and tongue as he pressed his mouth against my skin.  I placed my hands at the back of his neck. As he slowly moved up my stomach he didn't miss an inch.  He paused at my chest for just a moment, I felt his lips part, and I knew he was smiling.  I felt him breathe me in. He said, "You smell like earth and blossoms." His warm breath grazed over my breast as he spoke and it sent chills down my spine.  He stood up and I nestled my head at his neck and took a deep breath---Ocean water...He always smelled like the ocean--salty and sweet....

Over There.

"It is very beautiful over there." 

— Thomas A. Edison

 

I don't know where there is, but I do hope that I find it soon---whether in dreams or amongst my day to day realities.

Instinct.

I feel your heart beat through your chest as it beats hard against my back.  Your strong, yet delicate arms wrapped around my waist---you pull me closer to be as one.  Your fingers tracing back and forth across my stomach; It calms me. As your warm breath on my neck; It takes me.  Lying together, in the silence and dark, I trace your hands with my fingertips.  Your lips gently brush across my shoulders as you place tender kisses with each breath I take.  As your eyes open and close, your lashes feel like butterflies walking across my skin.  Slowly, I turn to face you---our eyes meet and time stands still.  As you reach up to brush the hair off my face, you run your fingers through it---slowly, gracefully, caring.  I lose myself as your hand softly caresses the side of my face.  You draw me in with the clear taste of your lips. I lose my breath with each kiss and I am drawn deeper and deeper into you.  
The raw emotion that emerges from our souls---the animals inside, they become more apparent with each passing moment.  Twisting and turning---pushing and pulling---I feel safe with your body above mine.  I place my hands on your back and pull you near as my body aches for you.  I lose myself in the moment, as we become one---Pleasure. My fingernails peel back small pieces of skin as they run down your back. The sweat drips from your brow and lands on my cheek as your rhythmic breathing turns to panting.  As we tumble, I kiss your chest and taste the intimacy between us. I gasp for breath and at once you are stretched out across these white sheets, I feel you under me---inside me---this bliss---it took me.
With my head on your chest, your heart pounds, and with each breath you take, it slows. Your tender kisses on my forehead gives me the promise of rest.  I run my fingertips up and down your chest---your hand meets mine.  As we drift off to sleep we trace each others hands with fingers so soft---up and down our arms---like drops of rain, in a cool summer shower.  
With one last kiss before our slumber--- we breathe our life into one another.

I Keep Them In A Box Under My Bed.

I brush the dust off my memories as I sit in my floor---a cardboard box to hide all my secrets.  Untie the silk ribbon that holds it all together---twist the delicate strands 'round and 'round my fingers.  Lift the covering and spill them out in front of me---pictures of us, pictures of them, pictures of me, and pictures of you.  I lie down amongst my mementos and sift through each one---

I remember playing in the sun until it hid behind the mountains and counting the stars on those cool and endless, summer nights. I remember listening to the rain play melodies on the window.  Hiking in the dark when the only light was the moon.  I'll never forget watching that one dizzy butterfly spin, up and over, and around in circles, and the sweetness of berries rolling over my tongue. I remember water splashes on my face.  I remember painting pictures on the wall, and laughing at our silly thoughts. I remember lying in bed and talking until dawn, and the sweet memory of becoming lost in one another...

-These thoughts will never escape my mind and bring a certain hope to my soul.

Ode To Memories.

I want to feel your hands trace mine like time stands still...

To the slow motion of breathing life to one another..

Let the day slip by us and turn into night..

Swing, swing, sway...away...

Embraced in each other like the day is undying..

I want to get lost in your embrace..

I want to feel...feel whole..feel life..

Who said life isn't about the little moments...They were a liar.

Let the water quinch my thirst and desire...

Let my passion fuel the fire...

This secret both unexpected and vivid in my mind..   

Life is stunning when we let it take us sometimes..

Not knowing where to--just moving with the energy of the moment...

Don't forget the feeling of the warm earth and cool water at our feet...

And the sun kissing our skin..

Unexpected...but life is about those brief times..

Where you feel the energy in the air and verve pulsing through you veins...

Memories rush in...

Leaving nothing but the thought...

And I never felt alone...until I met you.

Grass Like Forests.

Lying in the thick lush grass, I closed my eyes and collected the thoughts of my past. I remember feeling the blades weaving up and through my fingers, as other pieces caressed the sides of my face and arms.  Who knew there would be the place where I would finally find some peace.  Looking back, I wish I would have lived more freely, breathed more deeply, and laughed more often--but sometimes we are caught up in the rush of other peoples lives. We have to be able to live for ourselves and no one else---When did we lose track of ourselves?  When did we forget who we truly are?---Honestly, it doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is finding yourself again.  We are not strangers to ourselves, we only try to be.  Peel back the mask you have created and rid yourself of the baggage you carry---awake to a new world and realize that nothing matters except for the moment at hand.  Lying in the grass, feeling the warm rays bathe me, feeling my heart beat throughout my body, and hearing nothing but the breeze blow past my face---I let go. 

I let go to breathe. For freedom. For my soul. To find myself. 

Let Us.

Let us let our bodies move throughout--twisting and turning--above and below the waves.


Let us let go and feel the peace and motion.


Let us let water in our mouths as we laugh and feel complete.


Let us dive into the depths and let the bubbles be the only sound around us.


Let us lose our breath and rush toward the skies.


Let us wrap ourselves in one another and sink to the shadowy depths.


Let us dream together.


Let us feel life and love.

Sinking In.

 

I wish it would rain here. I love the tranquility of it. So simple and over looked. So cool and inviting.  Do you ever just stand in the rain and take it in--feel the tiny drops splash over your skin and sink in? Do you ever let it run down your face and collect the salty sweat of the day as it trickles down to rest on your lips?

--The little things as such are the joys of my life.

Tigers Live In Trees.

The first day I met him,  I was inspired to the point of speechlessness---my life was forever changed.

He said, "Why?"--to every thing I said the first day I met him. We sat high in the branches of this beautiful Magnolia tree as the wind howled through the branches and shook the leaves. As we both had our perches in the limbs we swayed to and fro with the gusts and had a talk of life and shared experiences. Throughout the day we continued to talk and he continued to question.  

By the end of the day I had realized that I too needed to question life.  I felt an emptiness inside my soul until that day---then a new me emerged. My life started taking on a new form. Questioning my actions and reactions, to and in, good and bad situations.  What if we lived free? What if we lived for the moment at hand, every single second of our lives? Would we all be happier, more fulfilled?  This is the one and only life we have. Lets lose the chains of our complex lives to be happy, simple, and free.

In that Magnolia tree is where I first realized I wanted to be the tiger that I am today--wild and untamed--My soul free and longing for more.

This tiger will forever live in trees.