Year to year facing myself over and over again.
I am coming to find that I am the sad girl.
The girl who finds beauty in everything especially the things that try to break me.
The breeze blowing the leaves, the smell of rain, Iron & Wine drifting through the air.
Flowers as they slowly fade to fall.
The ignored words of mine that fell flat to you and the raised voice of yours over mine.
Even with these things...
I have hope of what once was.
I'm holding on but my fingers are losing grip with time.
I am an ocean hidden behind lipstick and eyeliner.
A tsunami of blues and swirls..
And even though I am an ocean, I often find myself drowning in my own skin.
Gasping for air behind my smile.
I am the girl who tripped over the boy and cracked my heart wide open.
I am the girl who was too often left picking up the pieces alone.
Truth be told, some of those pieces are now dust.
I am the girl who has had too many face to faces with 1am..
Then 2am...
Followed by 3am...
The hours of thinkers and poets
But also the hour of the heart broken.
I am the forced smile by day and chaotic cries by night.
I am the chatter in my mind that keeps saying, "You'll be okay."
I am the strength because I have to be.
I am the pick me up of everyone around me but I am so broken,
I am the girl who has cried rivers over hearts gone
And over hearts that never deserved a single tear.
I am the girl who can serve the most eloquent words to your ears
But with everyone said...
I am choking.
But you would never know.
I am the girl who holds my head highest to everyone around
But no one sees it for the act that it is.
I am the sad girl.
The one that has fallen apart.
I've filled the cracks of myself with pages of books that mean something to me.
I've cleaned off the dirt with glasses of wine.
I've held my head on straight with ropes that half way keep me grounded..
I am the sad girl...
But you...
You would never know it.
