So I thought long and hard before typing this all out.
Exposing one of my closest thoughts.
Baring my soul to you all.
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I have been in love, twice.
With two humans from worlds apart.
Yet, these loves ended so quickly we had barely started anything.
However, they were the deepest of loves I have ever felt.
Sure, I have loved others
But never like this.
These were different.
It was the same with both. Unexpected.
Like a rush of the most pure adrenaline you've ever felt throughout your body.
A flood.
A wave.
A fury of emotions unknown.
What makes these loves so much different from the rest is they were real and raw.
Soul shakers.
Tears fell like waterfalls when we said our goodbyes.
Not because it ended but because it was more beautiful than ever expected.
I was changed after these loves.
I must also note they did not end bitterly
but because it would only hurt too much to stay together.
Too wild. Too free.
Untamable.
6 years apart I met these unbelievable souls.
The first was an earth shattering experience.
My life forever changed.
Our first day together was spent in the top of a magnolia tree.
Winds whipping around us and all we could do was laugh.
We spent many weekends together exploring one another and everything around us.
He questioned my everything. My existence.
He would leave for months at a time.
We would live our lives like normally when we were apart.
Never calling or texting.
He was exploring his life and I mine.
But when our spirits met it was like a supernova of colors and motion.
It was like we never skipped a beat.
The time and space made us only yearn for one another more.
I remember lying in a hammock talking about life while dripping cold water out of glasses on one another's shoulders for hours. I still miss the way he felt lying next to me..
I remember tracing our fingers together and not saying a word; we didn't have to.
We knew what the other was thinking.
I remember the last time I saw him I was reading words on his foggy bathroom mirror...
Something about men and who we are as people followed by an embrace for the ages..
Him smelling of the ocean--sweet and salty.
I do not know where he is now.
I sometimes wonder.
But never enough to wish he was here.
He is too busy taking in what the universe has to offer.
And who am I to stop that?
He taught me to enjoy life.
To never take any single thing for granted.
Smile and question.
Live freely.
After our souls tangled together everything was better.
I hold him closest to my heart.
My soulmate.
The second was very strange to me.
How?
That is the question that continually popped into my head.
It was too soon. Too quick.
But I swore I knew him for a lifetime.
Dare I actually call it love? Maybe? Yes?
I don't know how else to describe it.
When two souls resonate?
Our how he put it..
Just floating on your cloud waiting for someone to float by..
And we just happened to float past one another.
He shook me to my core.
It had been 6 years since I felt a connection like this.
I told him on multiple occasions he reminded me of someone.
I don't think I ever told him who though, I'm sure he had his guesses.
Our first day together we spent hours in a hammock; wrapped up together.
Sharing stories..telling tales..questioning..smiling.
We were hiding from the sun; his head on my foot, my legs wrapped around his; arms on legs;
I remember lying there with him and after a while we both fell quiet.
It wasn't that awkward silence though, no.
It was peaceful.
It was the kind of feeling you get when you're comfortable and know you don't have to say a thing.
We napped together that day.
Let ourselves fall to our most vulnerable states in our first hours.
We didn't spend too many nights together...but enough for me to know he was a rarity.
Conversations were food for thought.
From colors to the moon to playing with food.
Laughter brought tears.
Drinking wine with mouths stained red.
Playing music while singing out loud.
Our last night together we had dinner and talked about ourselves over tea.
I thanked him for the time we had and wished him only the best on his future journey.
He did teach me gratitude more than I already knew.
He could tell I was upset and said he liked it but not in a way you would think.
I remember him telling me, he liked it because he knew what we had was real.
I fought tears back for hours until we were in my room and he held me as I let them free flow.
It hurt to know I found someone like myself and yet we were on the eve of our farewell.
We spent that night side by side just like our first day tangled together and without words.
The morning spilled though my window and we knew it was time..
Our last moment together was an embrace and a kiss followed by, "Goodbye, My Tigress."
Was calling it love too soon?
Couldn't be....
I had known him for a lifetime.
The beauty in these loves is they were unexpected.
Without any expectation.
Embracing all of it for what it was.
And even though they were short lived and are now gone...
It does not lessen what was there.
These moments are some that I will never forget.
I thank you both for loving me and giving me the chance to love you back.
Wherever you are, enjoy life.
I will do the same.