Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The Other Version Of Myself



I don’t think people love me. They love versions of me I have spun for them, versions of me they have construed in their minds. The easy versions of me, the easy parts of me to love. Who’s going to love the girl that can’t stop crying? The girl that hurts herself? The girl that is losing control? The girl that is so sad she can’t get out of bed? The girl that keeps pushing everyone away? Who’s going to love the monster in me, who’s going to love me now?





Anonymous

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Change: A Constant


Change

v. 
1. To be altered; to undergo variation; as, men sometimes change for the better.
For I am Lord, I change not.
- Mal. iii. 6. 
2.  To pass from one phase to another; as, the moon changes to-morrow night. 

n.
1. Any variation or alteration; a passing from one state or form to another; as, a change ofcountenance; a change of habits or principles.
Apprehensions of a change of dynasty.
- Hallam.
All the days of my appointed time will I wait, till my change come.

============================================================

What does it mean to change?

Is it an inner shift?
OR
Is it an outer transformation?


Who really knows?
I know I don't.
I just know that it is always happening to and around me.


A Constant.
The Only One.

She'll Meet You Where The Wild Things Are

“If she’s amazing, she won’t be easy. If she’s easy, she won’t be amazing. If she’s worth it, you won’t give up. If you give up, you’re not worthy.” Bob Marley

She’s worth it, your wild one.

She will set your world on fire, if you are brave enough to let her.
She will enchant you, fulfill you and challenge you. She wants you to know her, so that you can love her, quirks and all.
She wants you to understand that your adorned magnolia walls can’t hold her inside, not for long. Your expensive beamed ceilings can never be high enough or remarkable enough to be worth missing a glimpse of her beloved azure sky. Your home is a beautiful prison certainly, but it destroys her all the same.
Her spirit paces the enclosed room like a caged tigress, tail swishing furiously, looking for escape. She longs to run free. Show her a meadow full of colour, where she can dance among sunflowers. Let her roam outside with no fancy ornaments or gadgets to distract her creativity, just breeze and rolling hills. Lay with her on cool grass, fingers entwined, and watch the stars blaze a path of glory across an inky midnight sky.
Don’t ask her to sit and play happy family with you. She doesn’t care if you buy the white toaster or the black one, or whether the neighbours have a bigger car than the two of you. She isn’t interested in chasing the extra dollar to have that standard resort vacation, or attending to mindless gossip. Let her dream of a far off glen, glistening ethereally in the soft light of the rising sun. Take her to listen to the song of the dawn birds, for they are all the small talk she needs.
She doesn’t iron the sheets, or, well, anything really. She is too busy curling up with a book, engrossed in a shiny new world waiting to be explored. She has never been able to relate to the domesticated heroines of old; tumbling from her own bed to her next adventure, wild haired and bright eyed. People tell her she is beautiful in her crumpled clothes and muddy boots. Passion always is. Recognise it. Worship it. Not everyone is blessed with it and it’s not something you can fake for too long.
She may not cook you a gourmet meal, but she loves food and she delights in feeding you. Let her. She won’t follow a recipe; she will trust her imagination, throwing in delicious colours and smells as they appeal to her. Let her wrap you in small strong arms, cover you in flour and sprinkle magic into your life. She will kiss you with a mouth that tingles with spices, leaving you hungry for more. She will never let your lips starve for her.
She won’t knit for you. She is young and restless and her time is too precious to spare. Her hands have more important things to explore right now. Your face, for instance; fingers lovingly remembering every last detail. She memorises the way you shudder when she lightly strokes your collarbone and how your stubble feels against her fingertips. This satisfies her far more than a ball of yarn ever could.
Let her breathe, your wild one. She will only stay if it feels right. Your mortal hands cannot bind her by holding her too tightly. Show her your fantasies and you might inspire her. She will tell you a story about what she longs to do with you, and to you. You should stop speaking then and listen. Her words are enchantments that weave mystery into your life, and her visions will never leave you, even when you ache to forget them. In years to come you will crave the power of her dreams, and others will pale in the shadow of her intensity.
She must run away now, the stars are calling her and life tugs at her soul ready for another adventure. She cannot be tamed. Love her if you will, or let her go. She cannot do this by halves.
She is chaos; she is freedom. She wants you to join her if you can. You know where to find her. You have seen her there in your head.
She will wait for you as always, where the wild things are.

-Jojo Rowden



This hits home far stronger than anything I have ever read. 
Thank you for your beautiful words. 

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

To Let Her Breathe.

"The sun loved the moon so much , 
he died every night to let her breathe." 

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

The Pace of Erosion VS The Flooding Tsunami ---Hope Wins



Sometimes I'm left feeling scattered and spread so thin that I want to disappear into my thoughts.
Disappear into the vastness and the comfort of my 14x15 box that I call home.
There is nothing that scares me here; nothing unknown.
I have my warm thoughts and blankets..
Along with the memories that I choose setting on my dresser.
Maybe, despite my outward confidence, I'm extremely insecure.
Maybe, I'm simply terrified of opening up enough to be loved.

My head feels a little fuzzy after the last two months.
A whirl wind of confusion, enjoyment, 5 hour conversations, laughter, and, now, hope...

Hope mixed with a bit of terror... 
Not like the terror of a horror movie, no.
A terror of my heart can't take another shot...

I move back to hope...

I have big dreams... 
But I have an even bigger heart.
Though not everyone sees it at first glance....

Monday, March 2, 2015

Heart Skipped A Beat

My heart skipped a beat when I read the words you sent... 
Your honesty made them harder to swallow...
Because I knew there were no lies or dreams or hesitation in them...

"I want to treat you like you deserve...
Everything else will fall into place."





Sunday, December 7, 2014

I'll Keep My Cluttered Mind


“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, then what are we to think of an empty desk?”
-Albert Einstein



I will always take the clutter.
The endless ramblings of my own self's constant chatter bouncing ideas back and forth in my head.

The steady words that link themselves together into a delicate song
The endless poems that scatter themselves 
From my mind to my fingertips
The steady scribbles my hands write out when these verses arise  
Pen to paper sends smiles across my face

The pictures that I paint for myself
Watercolors of life's most precious images...
I want to get them down with simple strokes and beautiful washes.
Brush to canvas sends smiles across my face

My mind is nonstop
I can barely go anywhere without something growing into the lines of a book.
It never quiets...
And that is okay.

Who is to say a cluttered mind is bad?
Who is to say my mind is too much.
I'll take it over the desolation of yours.

I'll take my beautiful chaos and keep it, always.

Friday, December 5, 2014

Your Skin On My Skin

He watched her as she entered the room. Everything was washed out from the sunlight.  His warm eyes followed her every footstep that she took towards him. The shadows danced around the room, playfully hiding between the two of them. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, tired from the day.  Her smile lit up the room, because he lit up her world.  She was now within reach of him and he out stretched his arms to her.  His smooth hands touched her legs and he slowly wrapped them around to the curves of her lace covered body and up her back. He placed his head on her stomach and gave one simple kiss. With the most delicate touch she placed her hands on the back of his neck running her fingertips through his hair... he was now smiling.

She could feel his hands tighten around her waist as she brought her hands around and placed them on his cheeks lifting his head up so that she could look into his eyes.  The deepest blue with tiny flecks of color glistened in them.  She placed her hands on his shoulders and slowly pushed him back. As he laid down a deep breath of air came out followed by hands pulling her near him. Inch by inch she crept on top of him, running her hands under his shirt as she drew closer to him. In one slow but steady motion the cotton garment was off and lay beside him. With his soft skin now exposed she laid her body onto his. His warm skin touching hers was almost electric for them both.  His hands explored her body up and down as her fingers traced the sides of his face. She leaned in for a kiss and stopped just barely touching her lips to his.  She smiled and her lips parted against his. She pressed her mouth against his and her body tingled all over. His kisses were sweeter than any honey she had ever tasted.  His hands were holding her face now and she could feel his heart racing. Beat after beat she thought it was going to bust out of his chest. She couldn't lie though, hers was just as heavy.  The caress of his lips on hers were wet and full of passion.  He calmly, but without hesitation, raised up bringing her body with his and never breaking his kiss.  Her legs were now wrapped around his waist.  Her fingertips lightly touching his face, neck, and chest.  She wrapped her arms around his neck as he laid her down and made his advancements towards her.  With his body over hers she ran her hands down his back sending chills up his spine. The passion grew with every passing moment. 

The window cast a halo of light on them.  They were meant for that moment. There was more laughter and smiles that day than words.  There were no words needed for them.  

Everything they wanted to say they could feel in touch.
Everything they wanted to say they could see in the others eyes.
Everything was perfect.

They laid there throughout the day
Switching between the bed and the floor; using one another as blankets.
Finally away from the world, watching the sun set through the window.

Hand in hand...Skin on skin...Lips on lips
They watched the sun fade to night; 
One by one and breath by breath the stars fell down around them.

Monday, December 1, 2014

Give Thanks

Thanksgiving.

I give you thanks Mother Earth,

Your dirt,
Your rocks,
Your trees
Your water
Your grass,
Thank you for life.