The Crackle Of Cigars Will Make You Think...

I get lost in my mind...


I drive with the windows up..
No music on.
I finally make it home after a long day.
I walk from my car and lie down in the breezeway. 
For some reason the word breeze-block comes to mind..
I start singing to myself...
"She may contain the urge to run away but hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks.."
I stare at the walls surrounding me. 
Who decided that this blue was a good color to paint these walls? 
I listen to the crackle of my cigar...
I listen to the cars sputter down the street but all I can see is this blue.
It kind of looks like a sponge...these walls...are so strange.

I wonder what I look like to people in the carport...
Just a set of legs coming out of a hallway...
Green corduroy pants...These are weird pants..  
I wonder about the people in my complex...
Have their days been anything like mine?

I finish my smoke and continue to lie there. 
I put my hands in my jacket pockets and close my eyes.
I hear the wind hiss through the trees across the street. 
Mm, That is definitely a sweet sound.
I wish this wasn't cement under me but soft grass...that matched my pants...

Okay, maybe I should go upstairs....
I count the steps as I walk up..
1,2,3,4...
I stopped counting at 10.
Fuck these stairs.

I walk into my house and see two people tangled up in love.
Legs and arms all weaved together..
"hello."
"hi..hello."
I actually hate walking into this.
Call me harsh..I don't much care.
Luckily, I like them.

My cat is hiding in my roommates clothes that are piled up in his room.
There are weird tunes coming from the speakers...
I don't hate it..
I am, however, not totally sure of it.

Walk into the kitchen and open the fridge...
Crack
Mm. beer.
This is what I've wanted for the last 3 hours.
Something to lower my inhibitions.
Yeah...Needed.

I walked downstairs and looked at the stars...
Clear night..
Wish I was anywhere but here.
Fucking paved parking lot.
Sitting on an electrical box..
Cars zoom past; coming home, leaving for the night...
Wonder where they are going?
Consumed more nicotine..
And I finish my beer...Sad.

I come upstairs.. living room is empty. yes.
I start this randomness while listening to Ray Lamontagne
Oh wait, there is the sound of moans echoing through my house..
Whatever.

I go into my room, grab my water, throw the clothes off my bed and into the floor..
I stand there, thinking about...actually nothing for a brief moment...
I don't want to be in here..
Walk back into my living room..No sounds of sex...yes..

I lie down on the couch...eyes closed.
I hear my fan in my room humming loudly.
Why the fuck can I hear that before I hear the music playing right beside me?
Strange.

I start to think about her.
Tomi, I hope heaven treats you well.
It broke my heart today to hear of your passing.
I bet you are doing just fine wherever you are.

"I lay down with circles in my head and I dream a dream I've never had, I was climbing down a mountain to a deep dark hole and in that dream it didn't seem all that bad."
Appropriate.

Words just came on...this song...something about it strikes a cord in me..
It plucks at my strings. 
Makes me think even more than I already do...

"Words mean more at night. 
  Like a song. 
  And did you ever notice.
  The way light means more than it did all day long?"   
Hmm.

Universe, are you listening to me?
I'm listening to you.  
......Universe, what are you trying to tell me?