We meet again.
Your all to familiar breeze that stops my heart came blowing past my face a few weeks ago.
You're helping the trees take off their clothes.
I watch the leaves swirl around me and go on to better days.
You left them cold and trembling in the air.
No more warmth when you're around.
You took the stars from my eyes, again.
It's a funny thing how you taught me to put on a face so no one would know the truth.
People see so much strength.
I am weak, believe it or not.
She crushed me again, you know.
The Universe.
And I blame you, it's always you.
She crushed my soul in that goddamn desert, again.
Just this time not with the same happiness of crushing love.
I couldn't look up into the snow globe sky without the heaviest weight on my chest.
So heavy.
I couldn't breathe.
Stifling.
Suffocating.
The last time I was there you let me fall in love.
Soul crushing love.
Tears falling, love.
Never felt that before love.
Don't take this away from me.
All I could do was collapse into the sand and rock while the past oceans swam around me in the dark.
All I could hear was my heart pounding out of my chest.
My breath trying to escape my lungs but it barely could between the sobs.
I fell down to my knees at 3am and howled at the moon.
I know what it is to be broken and torn from the inside out, thanks to you.
I had nothing to hold while I was letting go;
not a heart, not a soul, not a hand, not even me.
I woke to violent shakes; I thought there was an earthquake,
I don't know if it was the dreams or my emotions, but it happened more than once.
I remember tumbling down a cliff and that was it.
Nothing: I woke up alone in a cold tent and scared to death.
I left a piece of me back there.
It was like blood in my mouth and skin under my nails.
I hope you're happy with yourself.
My chest is tight from running.
I'm tired of running.
I'm trying.
Trying so hard.
I don't want to run anymore.
What is happening?
Where did the colors go?
When I close my eyes all I see is black and white.
Where did the colors go?
All the blues and greens.
Softness in the air
Flowers in my hair.
Where did the colors go?
The exhale of clouds in the cold.
Where did the colors go?
Autumn reds and golds.
My heart to hold..
Where did the colors go?
The bone color of your skin
The lakes in your eyes.
Where did the colors go?
My wine stained lips pressing yours, so soft.
My heart yearns; it's so raw, from lack of touch.
Dear October,
I'm tired of meeting you like this year after year,
Winter is hard enough without your help.
Maybe if I try hard enough we can make it to the other side,
Maybe if you try hard enough we can make it to the other side,
Maybe if we try hard enough we can make it.
Help me get the stars back in my eyes,
I've been holding yours like treasures.
Let's make a map back to one another.
We've gone too far to give up now.
This only happens once in a lifetime.
Dear October,
Please don't crush me, again.
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