That Night.

With my eyes closed I listen to crickets play music with their legs as if they were tiny violins; the melodies drift into my ears as the night breeze comes over me like newly fallen snow.  I feel Mother Earth sink into me as I smell the grass and feel the dew dripping down from the many blades surrounding me and collect onto my body.  Tiny insects around my head whisper me secrets from their wings in their low murmur of circles.  I open my eyes; the moon hangs low to the Earth tonight and she is full and brilliant. She is misted with the fog above the lake, but the sky is dark and endless and the stars are bright and forever.  My soul is at rest and my body is at peace.  Life could not be sweeter.

Accept The Colors Of Your Life.

"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky."

-Rabindranath Tagore

October [Part II]

 The wind was warm that day.  The sky was as beautiful and clear as ocean water--perfectly blue.  We rode with the windows down to a place he wanted to show me. Turn after turn we ventured further and further away from main roads.  The wind blew through my hair tousling it back and forth. We laughed and talked about the art festival we had just left, the necklace he bought me, and the dinner with strangers who were more like friends.  
 We pulled up in a grassy field with only one other vehicle there. We started down a trail surrounded with trees that brought on cool and darkened shade. Twisting and winding the path drew further into the woods.  "Do you see it?", he asked and he pointed straight ahead.  "See what?", I asked full of curiosity.  "The frog.", he said with a smile on his face. Then I saw it.  It was huge.  A giant frog leaping from the ground, cold and metal, weaved and welded together as art.  It towered above me. 
We walked side by side not saying a word, but continually smiling. I managed to get in front of him and before I knew it I had grew over six foot.  As he walked, he was carrying me on his shoulders down the wooden path that led over the swamps.  Silhouettes of trees jutted up from the still waters, as soft sounds of leaves rustling drifted past our ears.  We laughed and shared stories and journeyed down this winding path.  When we reached the end of our path it turned back, but we decided to take in the moment.  
He put me down on a bench and he sat down behind and above me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders and his fingers traced back and forth on my chest, "What would you do if a tiger came up and you were the only one that could see it?" he said.  I laughed. The random and silly thoughts that poured from his mouth made him beautiful to me because I knew that he was much deeper than random.  
He pushed the hair from my neck and lightly touched it with his fingertips; a soft kiss followed and then another.  His passion was unlike anything. So soft and powerful---captivating.  His hands traced my arms and breasts. They traveled down my stomach and up my sides and around again like they were on a set path---I lost myself to him.  
We sat there that afternoon and took one another in.  That October day time stopped for us to take in the world with each other---to remember colors and feelings, laughter and joy, and to make beautiful memories we'll never forget...

Conversations That Cause Thoughts.

Someone told me,  "The mind works on its its own - its just a ride.  There is no "true self". Just a flow of being. Being silent, being in meditation, being with others, talking." He said, "Everything is free flowing." I can see where he was coming from saying life is just on ride. Free flowing--I disagree. I feel as though life is ours to make what we want of it. We think out most things before we say or do them--Think about it.  The reason I am typing this; Something triggered it--Made me want to say it. I didn't mindlessly type it.  I put at least a little bit of thought...so free flowing-ness...didn't actually occur---You know? We are able to choose things.  I think our final destination is not ours to choose but the paths we take to get there are.

He said we [the world/people] experience you and us them.  It takes someone special or something meaningful for us to become one with it or them---for lack of better words. I feel like we can know our true-selves; it's just breaking down ourselves enough to see us for who we really are and to stop pretending and being who the world wants us to be or what we think the world wants us to be. I am not afraid of where my thoughts, actions, and decisions come from---because I know they are coming from a true place. 

A place of pure thoughts and ideas....Myself.

October [Part I]

Hot water splashed my face and fell over my body as suds rolled off every curve, and the night of our intimacy went with it.  The steam rolled up from my feet and filled the bathroom and seeped out from under the door.  He came in without knocking and pulled back the curtain---it took me by surprise. I still remember that smile, the look upon his face. He looked me in the eyes, kept smiling, closed the curtain back and shut the door behind him. 

After I laughed to myself, I closed my eyes and put my face under the shower one last time. I turned the knob, and as I dried off my skin, watched the water fall from the faucet until it became no more.  When I walked up to the mirror it was fogged over with words--I read it, and I remember him writing of men and who we are as people.  I opened the door and the steam spilled out into his bedroom. As I walked across the room, I left footprints in my wake on the cold hardwood floor. 

My clothes lay on top of the tangles of sheets we had created in passion.  I slipped on lace to cover my nakedness. He walked in the room and smiled that same smile and said, "I like those." And he pointed at the black lace panties hugging to my body.  I laughed and said, "Thanks."  Our eyes met in that moment, and time stopped, as we both continued to smile. 

I walked back in the bathroom and continued to get ready for the day ahead.  I was almost finished when I heard his footsteps thud across the bedroom floor.  I looked to my left waiting for him, and he came.  

He took slow steps toward me.  As he got closer he stepped behind me, his hands traced down my arms and back up. He pushed my hair away from my neck and softly kissed it; and one after another worked his way across my shoulders and down my back.  With calmed passion, he caressed my side with his lips and inched toward my stomach.  With his hands at my sides, he held me with a delicate, yet strong hold.  I felt the warmth and wetness of his lips and tongue as he pressed his mouth against my skin.  I placed my hands at the back of his neck. As he slowly moved up my stomach he didn't miss an inch.  He paused at my chest for just a moment, I felt his lips part, and I knew he was smiling.  I felt him breathe me in. He said, "You smell like earth and blossoms." His warm breath grazed over my breast as he spoke and it sent chills down my spine.  He stood up and I nestled my head at his neck and took a deep breath---Ocean water...He always smelled like the ocean--salty and sweet....

Over There.

"It is very beautiful over there." 

— Thomas A. Edison

 

I don't know where there is, but I do hope that I find it soon---whether in dreams or amongst my day to day realities.

Instinct.

I feel your heart beat through your chest as it beats hard against my back.  Your strong, yet delicate arms wrapped around my waist---you pull me closer to be as one.  Your fingers tracing back and forth across my stomach; It calms me. As your warm breath on my neck; It takes me.  Lying together, in the silence and dark, I trace your hands with my fingertips.  Your lips gently brush across my shoulders as you place tender kisses with each breath I take.  As your eyes open and close, your lashes feel like butterflies walking across my skin.  Slowly, I turn to face you---our eyes meet and time stands still.  As you reach up to brush the hair off my face, you run your fingers through it---slowly, gracefully, caring.  I lose myself as your hand softly caresses the side of my face.  You draw me in with the clear taste of your lips. I lose my breath with each kiss and I am drawn deeper and deeper into you.  
The raw emotion that emerges from our souls---the animals inside, they become more apparent with each passing moment.  Twisting and turning---pushing and pulling---I feel safe with your body above mine.  I place my hands on your back and pull you near as my body aches for you.  I lose myself in the moment, as we become one---Pleasure. My fingernails peel back small pieces of skin as they run down your back. The sweat drips from your brow and lands on my cheek as your rhythmic breathing turns to panting.  As we tumble, I kiss your chest and taste the intimacy between us. I gasp for breath and at once you are stretched out across these white sheets, I feel you under me---inside me---this bliss---it took me.
With my head on your chest, your heart pounds, and with each breath you take, it slows. Your tender kisses on my forehead gives me the promise of rest.  I run my fingertips up and down your chest---your hand meets mine.  As we drift off to sleep we trace each others hands with fingers so soft---up and down our arms---like drops of rain, in a cool summer shower.  
With one last kiss before our slumber--- we breathe our life into one another.

I Keep Them In A Box Under My Bed.

I brush the dust off my memories as I sit in my floor---a cardboard box to hide all my secrets.  Untie the silk ribbon that holds it all together---twist the delicate strands 'round and 'round my fingers.  Lift the covering and spill them out in front of me---pictures of us, pictures of them, pictures of me, and pictures of you.  I lie down amongst my mementos and sift through each one---

I remember playing in the sun until it hid behind the mountains and counting the stars on those cool and endless, summer nights. I remember listening to the rain play melodies on the window.  Hiking in the dark when the only light was the moon.  I'll never forget watching that one dizzy butterfly spin, up and over, and around in circles, and the sweetness of berries rolling over my tongue. I remember water splashes on my face.  I remember painting pictures on the wall, and laughing at our silly thoughts. I remember lying in bed and talking until dawn, and the sweet memory of becoming lost in one another...

-These thoughts will never escape my mind and bring a certain hope to my soul.

Ode To Memories.

I want to feel your hands trace mine like time stands still...

To the slow motion of breathing life to one another..

Let the day slip by us and turn into night..

Swing, swing, sway...away...

Embraced in each other like the day is undying..

I want to get lost in your embrace..

I want to feel...feel whole..feel life..

Who said life isn't about the little moments...They were a liar.

Let the water quinch my thirst and desire...

Let my passion fuel the fire...

This secret both unexpected and vivid in my mind..   

Life is stunning when we let it take us sometimes..

Not knowing where to--just moving with the energy of the moment...

Don't forget the feeling of the warm earth and cool water at our feet...

And the sun kissing our skin..

Unexpected...but life is about those brief times..

Where you feel the energy in the air and verve pulsing through you veins...

Memories rush in...

Leaving nothing but the thought...

And I never felt alone...until I met you.

Grass Like Forests.

Lying in the thick lush grass, I closed my eyes and collected the thoughts of my past. I remember feeling the blades weaving up and through my fingers, as other pieces caressed the sides of my face and arms.  Who knew there would be the place where I would finally find some peace.  Looking back, I wish I would have lived more freely, breathed more deeply, and laughed more often--but sometimes we are caught up in the rush of other peoples lives. We have to be able to live for ourselves and no one else---When did we lose track of ourselves?  When did we forget who we truly are?---Honestly, it doesn't matter.  The only thing that matters is finding yourself again.  We are not strangers to ourselves, we only try to be.  Peel back the mask you have created and rid yourself of the baggage you carry---awake to a new world and realize that nothing matters except for the moment at hand.  Lying in the grass, feeling the warm rays bathe me, feeling my heart beat throughout my body, and hearing nothing but the breeze blow past my face---I let go. 

I let go to breathe. For freedom. For my soul. To find myself.